Walter Cronkite

Walter Cronkite Was A Horny Dog

That’s the way it should always be…

I know we shouldn’t speak ill of the dead…but what the hell, they’re dead so they ain’t gonna know about it. Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot about the dead lately – dead celebrities that is. I have known quite a few of them in my desultory career in TV.

Lemme tell you, they put their legs in their pants or panties one leg at a time. They also defecate, urinate, suffer from piles and pick their noses just like the rest of us.

Today, I’m writing about a dead person that all of America loved, Walter Cronkite, the anchor on CBS News. For thirty odd years he was king and was America’s favorite newscaster by far. He seemed so cal m, so rational, so avuncular and he always told us the unvarnished truth on the six o’clock news.

That may be true, but the dude sure had an eye for the ladies. I witnessed this firsthand at my first TV job. I was Walter’s P.A. (production assistant). I got the job because I was a ski racer. I wasn’t a very good one, but CBS was broadcasting The Winter Olympics in Squaw Valley and in those days nobody knew much about winter sports so I was hired to coach Walter when he announced Alpine events.

Now, he’s a nice enough guy and when he’s in front of a camera he’s the ultimate pro, but when he wasn’t staring into the lens at The Olympics he was staring at other things. He was one of the horniest guys I have ever met. At Squaw Valley stretch pants were just coming in and Walter couldn’t keep his eyes off the female skiers, especially when they bent down to take off or put on their skis. The rehearsals would stop when that happened.

In addition to being totally mesmerized by women he put the make on every comely chick that came within 15 feet of him. Part of my job became finding the man to get him ready for the telecast and I usually found him in a hotel room with some hottie. But he was a pro. He’d rearrange his clothing, brush his hair and smooth out his blazer. It was the old reliable, avuncular, caring Walter Cronkite in front of the camera.

Walter’s sign off was well known. He’d look straight into camera and say solemnly, “And that’s the way it is – ” And then he’d give the date. He’d been doing that closing for a decade. All of America was familiar with it. But at the Women’s Downhill, Cronkite veered from his usual closing. The picture on camera was a pan of the glorious peaks at Squaw Valley and Cronkite said, “Today I’m changing my closing. Instead of that’s the way it is – let me say “That’s the way it should always be…”

The world TV audience thought Walter was referring to the magnificent pan of snow capped mountains, but he was only looking at the monitor with one eye. The other was on a comely young thing in stretch pants, who was bending over and taking off her skis. Right after the sign-off he whipped off his headset and started a conversation with the lady. I knew next morning my first duty would be knocking on various hotel doors until I finally found him.

And that’s the way it was for the entire Olympics…

But Cronkite was a good guy and wherever he is now, I hope there are lots and lots of hot chicks in stretch pants. “Because that’s the way it should always be.”

Next I’m gonna blog about my run-ins with Glenn Ford and I’ve already blogged about my problems with Adrien Brody. You can catch more celebrity tiffs if you go to my novel, Scars of David.


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